Tired of that same old clockwork, Newtonian universe? Bored with Relativity, both Special and General? Confused by anything with Quantum in its name? Ready for a new challenge that's filled with searing rays of disintegrating death and mayhem? Then try New, Improved SCIENCE! You'll be glad you did!

With advanced logical reasoning and controlled, repeatable experimentation (patent pending) you'll be amazed by what can be achieved with New, Improved SCIENCE! Those dreary household chores won't be a problem around your house - oh, no! - because with New, Improved SCIENCE you can just take aim with your trusty Death Ray and blast those stubborn stains right out of the three dimensional universe, and into....

Well, okay. Were still a little fuzzy on that score. But you can be sure you won't be seeing them in any laundry basket in this cosmos, anyhow! Try New, Improved SCIENCE... today!